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Hi everyone...

Need some advice and urgently!

My lil angel was born on monday and isnt even a week old...I felt protective from the moment she was born but i never thought i would have this feeling..

All of a sudden i wana keep her away from my mum... not cuz my mums a bad mum shes the best we are so close but She smokes.

Shes smoked for years and when i was a teenager i hated it and we had many huge fights bout it!

I dont live with her so i feel a bit better however i know that second hand smoke is so bad for babies and iv read all the infomation i can find on it!

I go round to my mums all the time because my partner is at work and we are so close we can just natter for ages! Shes very good and always goes to the back door to smoke or into another room, but i know that i can still smell it which means arianna my baby can. Its scares and worries me cuz i can feel myself getting angry.. even when she comes to mine and hasnt smoked i know she has earlier on in the day and i dont wana let her hold arianna cuz the toxins are on her clothes and hand which arianna does suck on!

I duno how to feel at the mo but feeling like i need to protect my lil angel from my own mother is causing me so much upset and i dont know how to explain to my mum how i feel and i dont know how to get past it cuz i know my mum wont quit smoking.

Please help

M and Arianna

hi. you have every right to feel this way. you say your mum's being good going out the room, i take it she smoked wherever she felt like before but weren't you carring your baby inside you then? and the same risk applied?

if you are this close, you should be able to explain to your mum exactly how you're feeling without falling out. tell her straight how your feeling. she should have a bit of an idea from when you were a child from what you say. but she's not seeing how your fully feeling. ask her if she wouldn't mind stepping outside when at her house, understandably it's her house but you want to protect your child. heart disease has dropped due to not so much passive smoking since the bans have come into force. you could ask her to yours instead, saying it's just easier now but you'll not be able to stop it being on her clothes, other than ask her not to have one before she turns up. or go for walks as baby would love that. have a suckable toy ready and explain you'd rather her suck on that than peoples fingers, it could interfere with feeding anyway. i wouldn't want my baby sucking on anyones finger anyway no matter who they were! what have they touched that someone else has touched and the person before them didn't wash their hands?!

i think if you don't speak to her as time goes on and baby gets a little older your mum will eventually be smoking in the same room so tell her your feelings next time you speak. that's all you can do and hope she respects your wishes, if not give some cooling off time and ask to go for walks instead.

i know exactly how you feel.  I'm really lucky that no one in my family smokes but my most of my husbands aunties and uncles do.  My daughter is 3 this October but when she was born i didn't want to go to family parties becuase i knew they were all smoking.  Admittedly they were really good about it and all smoked outside.  I don't preach to people about them smoking at the end of the day it is there choice, but they don't understand that it isn't just them smoking around the kids that i hate but the emotional effect on the family around them.  My grandad was the only person that in my family that smoked.  He had a couple of heart attacks.  One near Christmas so instead of us all getting excited about Christmas we were stressed about his welfare and in and out of hospital seeing him  He Died in his late 60's.  His youngest daughter who he was really close to was only in her early 20's and had just got a promotion at work.  What should have been one of the happiest times in her life ended up with her having a nervous breakdown because she was having to deal with the loss of her dad.  I'm lucky that i am one of his oldest grandchildren, but he has 2 younger ones who do not remember that much of him, my grandma has now been living by herself for over 10 years and gets depressed every so often that she is alone.  He also has a granchild and 2 great granchildren that he has never met.  I'm sure that if he is watching down now he would have given up smoking if he new it would lead to an early grave and emotional distress to his entire family.

i've just had my second child and i still do not understand how anyone in this day and age can smoke.   But a couple of things that they said to do in the hospital to help limit the passing of second hand smoke.  If your mum insists on smoking of course make sure she does it outside the house.  Aks her to bring a coat or jumper with her.  Make sure she puts that on while she smokes and then takes it off before she comes near your little one.  Then ask her to leave a toothbrush at your house and ask her to clean her teeth and wash her hands thoroughly before she holds your little one.  If she thinks that you are over reacting then just tell her that this is the advice that midwives are giving out now to newborns.

And don't worry you are definitely not alone in how you feel.

Hope everything works out for you. Em, Kira (nearly 3), and Xavier (4 months).

According to N.C.T. it takes 4 hours after smoking a cigarette for it to clear from your breath & for it to be safe to go near & handle or hold a baby - that is a long time for a smoker! You should be aware of this as otherwise, potentially, your mum could be damaging your baby's health.

hey hun, i no excatley how your feeling i was VERY over protective of my lil man when he was first born, and still am now (his 18 months old) my father in law smokes and i just said out right i dont want you smoking in front of my baby full stop, yes i did upset him but my childs life and well being is FAR more important, even now i wont allow smoking near my son (and never will) but his grandad will always leave the house and smoke in the garden when were over. Your just gonna av to say something to your mum, it REALLY REALLY makes me mad when i see other people smoking in front of there children i had both my twin nephews end up in intensive care on life support machine coz my sister smoked when carrying her babies and carried on when they were born, the doctors said there chest infections and broculitus (think thats spelt right) were a direct result of passive smoking!!!! xx