Yummy Mummy's Survival Guide' author Liz Fraser will be writing exclusively for Huggies® Club. Log in each month to read her unique perspective on the beautiful chaos of raising children!
There has been a lot in the news lately about family, childhood, and the pressures of modern life. If you are reading this, it’s very likely that you have small children, and therefore understand more than anyone the difficulties of what is, rather amusingly I think, referred to as the work-life balance. I say ‘amusingly’, because I’m yet to meet a single parent – male, female, working, staying at home or any combination of the above - who has anything even remotely resembling a good balance between their work, personal and family lives. More often it’s some kind of wobbling, juggling, spinning and occasionally crashing mish-mash of nurseries, the school-run, work deadlines, last-minute dashes to the corner shop for milk, and crashing out in front of the telly, half asleep already. (So that’s the social life gone, for starters.)
The good news here, is that a) you are not alone if you feel you are losing the ‘work-life’ battle, and b) there are ways to make things a little easier. (Hold the champagne though – it takes a little effort…)
Incidentally, there are two types of ‘work’ I’m talking about here: the first, applies to stay-at-home Mums, because anyone who thinks looking after kids all day long isn’t just about the hardest job in the Universe, hasn’t tried it. You may not be writing company reports or wheeling and dealing on the stock market (not a good plan these days anyway, I’d say!) but you are washing, wiping, cooking, playing, tidying, feeding, changing, reading, wiping again and so on and on all day. That, dear reader, is called work, and it’s different from having fun, family time.
The other kind of work involves leaving the house to work elsewhere, with the added bonus of getting paid for it. According to a report released last year, 29% of babies under a year old and 44% of children under two have both parents out at work. So that’s quite of you then.
So, given that you work, and you also have a family you want to enjoy spending time with, you will need to find a way to fit both of these into the small amount of time you have on this Earth, and still leave some spare for sitting around eating crisps. Of course.
The word ‘balance’ is very misleading because it seems to imply that the two parts of your life should be evenly balanced, which is not the case at all. Very few people spend the same amount of time working as they do just relaxing at home, seeing friends and so on. The point is to find the point at which the balance works – for YOU and for YOUR family.
The ‘work–life balance’ is such a huge issue for most families because the way you live and work affects everyone else in you household. You can’t just work eighteen hours a day and every other weekend and expect to carry on playing Happy Families. Nor can you sit at home twenty-four hours a day for five years playing peek-a-boo if you are yearning to use your brain, talk to somebody over the age of three and earn your own income. Something’s gotta give, and the only solution is to find a balance that works for you all, financially, emotionally and practically.
Here are some points to consider if you are feeling a tad out of balance:
* Are you balanced? Check if you and your partner are both happy with your respective work-life balances. Even if one of you isn’t happy, something will have to change if the family is to remain strong.
* Married to the job. Once you have a family, you have to realise that work (including all the mundane chores that you feel you ‘must’ do) isn’t the most important thing in your life any more – your family is.
* Prioritise. Working out what is most important for you, and for your family, is critical to getting the work–life balance right. It will almost certainly change within the year, but what’s your priority as a family now?
* Communication. If you are unhappy that you don’t spend enough time seeing friends or being together as a family, then say so. Your partner might be unaware of how you feel, or might share these concerns but be reluctant or unsure how to talk about it. This is the first step in solving the problem, so get talking as soon as you can.
* Laying down the law. Many happy families remain this way because there are some very clear (and obeyed!) Family Work–Life Laws in place. These could be: no work in the evenings; no work at the weekend unless it is agreed that that’s OK; one night out every week; seeing friends at least twice a month; letting children have a sleepover once a fortnight, and so on. Make up your own rules and see if you can all stick to them.
* Keeping Work OUT. As more and more of us are able to work from home, getting away from work has become an increasing problem. Only you two can solve this: shut down, switch off, close your book, put down your paintbrush, or do whatever it takes to STOP WORKING. You must, if you are to have any family life at all.
The reason the term ‘work–life balance’ has become so overused in recent years is because it’s something that almost all of us struggle with every day. It’s a symptom of modern times, as we all try to ‘have it all’ all of the time. As soon as you realise that you can’t have it all, but you can have quite a lot of it most of the time, you will start to live a much more fulfilled, satisfied and family-friendly life together.
What’s important is to have some things in your life that work, that make your life easier and that you can rely on when times get tough. Family life and raising kids is never going to be a walk in the park, but so what? It’s fun, it’s rewarding and it throws you a new challenge every day, and that’s what we love about it. With a little planning and thought, you can find that balance and enjoy every day that little bit more.
