HuggiesClub dads share their experiences of fatherhood...
“I’m going to be a dad!”
What does that really mean? For me and many friends I’ve spoken to since all had a similar opinion – we didn’t really know. Instead we preferred not to think about it, put it to the back of our minds and carry on as normal. Yes, our partners and wives were changing and changing fast. But for our part, if we tried hard enough, we could easily convince ourselves that nothing was different.
Then the day came, the day we suddenly had to act responsible (well, at least try), be the one to drive to the hospital, be the one to say that wonderful cliché “She’s having a baby!” Hours and hours pass - something we now refer to as the ‘blank spot’. Then, with no notice, almost unexpectedly, quite by surprise, a baby is handed to you………….and reality hits - “I’m a daddy”. – David
“Being sent home with no instructions is daunting”
Even though I was a ‘new dad’ when Grace was born, I had some experience of newborns through friends and family so I had a degree of confidence when it came to handling a new baby. Being a new mother, presented with a baby and sent home with no instructions is a daunting task, so being supportive to my wife and ensuring she had everything to hand was paramount – especially as she’d had a section.
I tried to ensure that nappy changing, bathing baby, preparing our food, keeping the house clean and tidy was all taken care of, which allowed my wife to focus on the baby, and sleep and rest as much as possible. I was also more confident holding a wet child in the bath!
Don’t forget that she’s carried your child for 9 months and made a lot of sacrifices in that time. Always remember that your wife still loves you despite the fact that you may feel ignored.
Paranoid mum can be a nightmare if you’re a pragmatic chilled out father. My wife had every monitor in the world attached to the cot and our baby was in the same room! Just consider how paranoid she’d be without it and you’ll realise that it’s money well spent. – Johnny
“Baby number two due any day!”
I’m a dad to a gorgeous 18-month old girl. She’s a cheeky little monkey and we have a lot of fun together. Thinking back to the first few weeks, I remember how intense the birth was and her staring up at both of us minutes after she was born – I still see a look on her face that reminds me of that.
It’s difficult dealing with a crying newborn in the early days, and - although my wife and I were in the same boat learning the ropes together in the first couple of weeks - once I’d gone back to work, she leaped ahead in experience. I’ve caught up though and we’ll soon be in the same boat again - baby number two is due any day now! – Neil
"Becoming a dad second time around"
Well, you think one was a handful but 2 is nonstop - you can't pass the baby back anymore as there's two to go around!
The lead up to birth this time felt much more relaxed as you roughly know what to expect - it's the getting back from hospital - with 2 car seats and an agro toddler - manic mealtimes and generally dividing your time that's tricky. You wonder if you have enough love to go round before the birth but suddenly you have this new person you immediately and fiercely feel the same love for.
The months of nappy changing and late night feeding practice definitely come in handy with baby number 2 - first time around I was blown away by how delicate a newborn seemed - when more come along you realise how robust they are - especially when they have a big brother toddler wanting to give them bear hugs and screaming CBeebies songs in their ear! – Ali
“Excited, overwhelmed, nervous...”
When I found out my wife was pregnant, I was excited, overwhelmed, nervous, but I most definitely accepted it. I was over the moon and I found it very hard to keep my excitement under control! One thing I would say is that I think it's important to convince your partner to not surf the web to find information on any potential complications that she might be experiencing etc. There is a plethora of information out there, but everyone experiences different pregnancies and there is no definitive answer.
The BIG day was completely not how we expected it. My wife was overdue, and after an investigation and then a scan, it was determined that the baby was breech! A few hours later, after a c-section (and me feeling a little faint) our daughter was born. My first memory was of feeling completely helpless as I accompanied my daughter into the recovery room and was left alone with her for a few minutes until my wife was wheeled in. The situation seemed so surreal.
Because breastfeeding didn't go to plan, I was fortunate to be very involved right from the beginning. We took it in turns with feeds which meant it was probably easier for me to bond with my baby compared with other fathers and certainly took the pressure off my wife. And wow....changing that first nappy - the first I'd ever changed - it took me ages. I guess it still does compared with my wife!!!
Going back to work was awful. My wife and I had been doing everything together, making all the decisions jointly and learning so much all the time. Now I had to leave her to 'go it alone'. It felt as if I was abandoning them.
Being a father makes me feel so proud. When you hold your baby for the first time the immense magnitude of becoming a dad is amplified beyond belief. – James
