When it’s just been the two of you, having a baby can turn your world up side down. You’re now responsible for someone who needs your undivided attention, so it can feel like you don’t have a lot of time for each other anymore.
Your old routine pretty much went out the window the day your baby arrived. Now late nights are about feeding, nappy changing and rocking baby to sleep, and lazy Sundays are a thing of the past. Lack of sleep, a constant stream of visitors and little time to keep on top of things like washing, shopping and cooking all just go to show how much life has changed - and your relationship too.
If you find yourselves bickering over who washed the bottles last or in some kind of competition over who’s had less sleep, rest assured it’s all part of adjusting to a new routine. It’s how you handle the transition that counts and, as usual, it’s all about communication.
First of all accept things will change, they’re bound to. You might feel this as a few minor adjustments or as an almighty shift. Pretending you can carry on as you did before will only make it harder.
If you’re feeling like you’re doing more than your fair share of nappy changes, talk about it. It’s all too easy to shut down and concentrate on the baby, but that can cause resentment on both sides. You’ll probably find your partner’s feeling overwhelmed as well and talking it over will help you understand how each other is feeling and agree a way forward so that you both feel happier.
At the beginning you’re both more or less in the same boat so make sure you learn the ropes together and both have responsibilities for baby care. This will stop one of you becoming the ‘teacher’ and the other feeling like they’re constantly being told what to do. It also helps the three of you bond and will boost your confidence in each other as parents.
You both need time out - separately and together – to recharge your batteries. The simplest way is to agree on an afternoon or a night out for each of you to catch up with friends or to get back to a hobby you enjoy, while the other takes care of baby. But make an effort to have a few hours for just the two of you while baby’s asleep, or go out as a couple leaving a friend or family member in charge of your little one. You might feel too tired to even think about it, but it’s important to keep the romance alive.
