hi mrs vo5! i had my son 13 years ago and it was so horrendous i suffered post traumatic stress disorder and didn't bond at all with leon until he was about 18 months old! like you when i finally had the guts to have another baby they refused to give me an elective caesarean....i was so frightened coming up to the birth i would spend hours crying and being physically sick with fear! but......i am so GLAD they refused! after a relatively pain free labour, which i only had gas and air for and only really woke up for the last 22 minutes (lol) my son was born with not tearing or grazing whatsoever! it was a beautiful experience so please don't be frightened! i ruined the last 2 months of my 2nd pregnancy by stressing myself out and dreading something i didn't need to dread!
now pregnant again with a huge baby girl i was so excited about the birth i spent ages doing the perfect birth plan with a birth pool and music and candles only to be told this week that she's double breach and refusing to budge so will have to have a caesarean! lol! blooming typical huh? good luck hun xxx